What’s a Tapir? Who Cares? Three Ways to Think Differently About People We See as Obstacles
“What is your favorite animal?”
“It’s a tapir.”
“What’s a tapir?”
“It’s a kind of animal that lives in southeast Asia, Central America and South America. All the species of tapirs are endangered or vulnerable.”
“Oh, I have seen them at the zoo I think. They’re like anteaters, right? No, maybe a pig?”
“They’re actually more closely related to the rhinoceros.”
“Really? I had no idea! Why are they your favorite animal?
I’ve had this dialog countless times. It often happens when I meet someone and they find out I am a retired zoo veterinarian. But I never mind the conversation. It gives me an opportunity to talk about something I care about. So why are tapirs my favorite? They are intriguing animals with a prehensile snout, and a husky and solid body. They love anything to do with water and love to eat bananas. They have a trill-like vocalization that I could never mimic. The mothers are devoted to their adorable calves, which are reminiscent of a striped watermelon.
And the list of intriguing tapir attributes goes on. Are they more special than any other kind of animal? Perhaps they are only to me. I was the tapir veterinary advisor for their species, so I learned about their unique anatomy and diseases. I had opportunities to work with them in the rainforest of Costa Rica and on the estate of a former drug lord in Panama. I understand their plight. I know tapirs. I care about tapirs.
When I hear myself say about another person, “What is wrong with them?” or “Why can’t they stop being so judgmental?” or any number of complaints about fellow human beings, I stop to think about my tapir dialog. Do I know that person for who he is, not some made-up image of who I assume he is? Am I assuming he’s an anteater or pig, when he’s really a magnificent tapir? Am I reducing a person who has hopes, dreams and problems just like me to an object I can justify criticizing?
Workplace conflict has at its foundation all this kind of thinking. What can we do to prevent it? Here are three ways to think differently about people who we see as obstacles.
1. Treat people as people, not as objects that are in our way.
Give people honor and the respect they deserve simply because they are people. If you are the boss, hold them accountable for their actions. But never forget that they are humans, not malfunctioning machines.
2. Get to know people for who they are, not what we assume they are.
This takes time and intention. It’s easier and quicker to assume you know all you need to know. But each of us has a story we want to tell if someone is interested in knowing us better. Ask questions and listen before making conclusions.
3. Genuinely care about others even if they don’t seem to deserve it.
Caring about others takes the focus off of us and our needs. We can then serve others unconditionally. That’s where real progress is made.
I confess that I first thought of a tapir as a homely beast, kind of like a pig or anteater, not worthy of my attention. Over time, though, I made an effort to know, understand and ultimately figure out ways to serve their needs. Only then did they become my favorite animal.
Is there anyone in your life about whom you are making assumptions? How could you get to know his or her story better? How might that knowledge change your relationship?